August 2019

Hot and humid with furious storms, that was the month of August. The storms came through my neighborhood hard and fast, but left just as quickly with no damage close by, thank goodness! Things moved slower this month because of the heat; my flowers would wilt, perking some what after watering.

Family: Family focus this month started with Tyler’s birthday where we hosted dinner for local family members–it was great to see my sisters and spend some quality time with my nieces! We also did an immediate family dinner in celebration on Ty’s actual birthday, and had trips to Cool Springs Driving Range and the new Panera Bread that opened in our township. And when it wasn’t so hot, Chicky’s neighbors sat on her patio with us chatting the breeze.

What was really special was Alan coming in earlier than expected once to take Jeff’s shift Saturday evening–this meant we had a husband and father on a weekend! Saturday night we vegged; Sunday morning we went to the wave pool (its been years!) and got a little sunburn.

We also had out-of-state family surprise us–Aunt Sara and Uncle Paul, in which Alan hosted a dinner and invited Uncle Tommy as well. It was a mini reunion for my mother-in-law, being with her only brother and sister. Sweet…

Madison and I had taken some time and done some damage to the checking accounts at Tanger Outlets, and if that was not enough, decided to take a day off and hang with her–Starbucks camp out. She was offered two jobs in one day (fall internship and a full time job after her December graduation!); she’s also had some bad news this month, but it working through it just fine.

Also got to see the family while celebrating my great niece’s birthday this month, and actually hung with my sister one day before driving over to Chicky’s.

Home: Not much done on the home front–it was just too hot and I was a bit stressed out (see work below). I did let the heat take my ever so tiny herb garden, but was able to keep the flower arrangement my sister got me alive. I was also motivated the beginning of the month and cleaned out two drawers of my home office desk. Its amazing how good the little stuff can make you feel.

Self: Self was stressful this month (see work below–wondering…should I post these categories in most impact for the month versus alphabetical order?). One thing I did find very effective was changing the location of where I meditate. Actually, I went back to my old mediation area and found that my mind didn’t race as much–it was very, very tamed down.

I also took time to sit on my deck (in the morning–afternoon was unbearable), to think about the situations that were put in front of me. When I got over the emotional panic, I was able to see a bit clearer and calm down. I wasn’t 100% okay, but I was much better. I also wrote the highlights of my thoughts in my paper journal, which helped me to look at the situations differently. Proud of myself on not reacting, but being cool under the pressure.

Work: And here we are–the most painful part of the month. Something was off at work–I sensed it mainly in the shift of my boss. He was short and abrupt and very demanding even on the stupidest, littlest of things. Typical me, I internalized it. Supporting the internalization was I was the common denominator of everything going on around me–so it had to be me, right? When I took the time on my deck, and wrote out the situations as they were, without emotion included, I couldn’t see how or what I was doing wrong and how I could improve.

Then, it became clear when my boss set-up an individual meeting with me entitled, “Update Kelly.” Deer in headlights, I wondered…what the heck is going on??? The update is there is a major re-organization and our (my boss’ whole team) will be incorporated into another team. I was told there will be opportunities as well as some downsizing.

Many feelings went through my head–first, the fear of loosing my job which immobilized me for a few days. But with the self realization (Jeff and I have always survived) and Jeff’s words of comfort and support, I slowly moved from those thoughts to–okay, what do I have to do to survive.

And that is where I am today. I was working on a self development plan for myself, which has now changed to survival of self at work and I began to document my journey–what I’ve done and where it got me, and share on this blog.

Final Thoughts: The heat of work was burning down on me, much like the Sun on Earth. I felt blinded and drained but with self reflection versus reaction, and some time with family (and surprise bonus time with Jeff), this was my best survival performance ever.

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